When the music fades,

All is stripped away 

And I simply come…

I hope everyone raised on a steady diet of Michael W. Smith (and the subsequent artists remaking this song) is humming along. If you somehow escaped the early 2000s, check out this video for "The Heart of Worship." You're in for a treat. Michael W. Smith, Matt Redman, and many others have led us through a song I have found surprisingly relevant for the current atmosphere of 2020.

Most of what we experienced this year echos the same sense of loss found in this song—the fading music and the erosion of things we thought we needed. I know I'm not alone in feeling the strain. 

However, my sense of comfort, competence, and certainty have just been collateral damage in the process of returning to the true heart of worship. God's grace in 2020 has reminded me of the things that are most important—and all the things that are not.

My Comfort 

With the first whispers of a coronavirus went a lot of my comforts. First, I was being asked to wash my hands. No big deal. We probably should do that regardless.

Then, they said those who could should stay home. I, as a work-from-home mom, should have been the readiest to adapt. But I bristled. The thought of not being allowed out threatened to suffocate my inner extrovert and activate my childhood claustrophobia. 

Then, things started to get serious. The YMCA shut down. My church was online only. My small group was a glitchy video chat. And I was stuck at home with my family and the mounting sense of dread we all felt. 

But God showed me that what I most needed was to be at home with my family and to deal with—instead of run from—my negative emotions. I was right where I needed to be for the kind of trusting and obedient worship God was calling me to.

In the discomfort we felt, we reevaluated our lives, made better habits, and spent more days together recognizing God's goodness to us. It was a surprising blessing. I dug deeper into the faithfully consistent love of God and remembered I don't have to fear. 

My Competence

As things began to open up again, my first real outing was a friend's socially-distanced graduation party. Though I was excited to see people, I realized I had lost my natural capacity to talk to them in person. Seriously. Though I usually thrive on engaging conversations with friends and strangers alike, I found myself fumbling over my words, sitting in awkward pauses, and overly aware of how hard it was to look people in the eyes without the buffer of a screen. I was losing my basic ability to communicate with people, and it was disconcerting.

Then the death of George Floyd and other African Americans in police encounters spurred a conversation that was outside of my expertise. I wanted to listen well and do something but felt paralyzed in my ignorance. I wanted to love my Black brothers and sisters well but the path towards change didn't seem very clear. Though the presence of racism in today's society is no shock to me, I was uncertain how to fight something so pervasive and nebulous.

But God reminded me of Psalm 103. He is familiar with my weaknesses, blindspots, and incompetence. He has removed my sins and will continue to execute acts of righteousness and justice for the oppressed. Even when my many weaknesses and faults are evident, I can trust in His competence. Even if I continue in perpetual social awkwardness, my standing with God is not at stake.

He's also brought me into a diverse community of brothers and sisters who are willing to share their experiences and suggestions. I'm free to do what's right today and humbly confront the many errors I'm certain to make along the way. I don't have to be competent—just obedient to the One who is.

My Certainty

The one thing 2020 has eroded more than anything is my sense of certainty in man-made systems, logic, and understanding. As we're dealing with a novel coronavirus, racial inequities, protests, unemployment, financial crisis, politics, and more, even the most well-educated pundits struggle for words. The ongoing stress of 2020 has exposed cracks in our financial system, our government, our church unity, and each person's ability to be civil to their neighbors.

There are so many current events, so many dissenting opinions, so many opinionated links shared on social feeds that it's hard to know what's what. Making any statement with any degree of certainty feels perilous, to say the least. 

But church leaders are still called on to lead, to be a prophetic voice, and to make decisions that will likely be unpopular no matter what. How can anyone know what to do?

But God has helped me find footing in the Book of James. From the very beginning of the book, James gives Christians in crisis a reason to rejoice as they endure. He reminds believers that God is the source of true wisdom, and He is not the least bit withholding:

Consider it a great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.

Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God — who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly — and it will be given to him.

James 1:2-5

Thus far, 2020 has certainly stripped away a lot of things I hold dear, but it's been a healthy loss. This loss has revealed the instability of some foundations I have been tempted to build my life and worship on. In actuality, 2020 has taken away a lot of idols to which I might have clung for safety. 

But God, in His goodness, is always ready to meet us where we are. As we experience whatever highs and lows the rest of 2020 may bring, I pray we find our way back to the heart of Christ-centered worship with our everyday lives. I pray we can confess along with Michael W. Smith et al. and our brother Paul that it really is all about Jesus.

I know both how to make do with little, and I know how to make do with a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content ​— ​whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need. I am able to do all things through him who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:12-13

Marie Burrus is UBA's Communications Specialist. She manages, edits, and contributes content for UBA's blog, website, and social media outlets. Marie uses her Master's degree in Intercultural Studies, her experience as a missionary in West Africa, and her lifelong love of words to write on outreach, culture, and the Christian life.

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