“How often do you feel lonely or isolated from those around you?”
As a social worker serving seniors at Parkway Place, the answers I have received to this question vary from never to rarely to always.
At a time when families come together, being inaccessible to their family can make the holiday season lonelier.
The stories that accompany these answers also reveal the stark difference in the experiences of older adults who have children or other family involved and those who have minimal to no support due to losing peers to death or losing family/children to the vicissitudes of life demanding their time.
Even for those who have some form of support and seem to be surrounded by peers and family, the loss of ability to do things they could previously do and having to now rely on others to assist with their activities of daily living could bring on the feeling of isolation.
An Isolating Time
A classic example is Deb* (not real name), who has her children involved in her life and grandchildren present at different times. Despite having company, Deb expresses it does feel lonely even with people around.
Deb was very active and used to doing things for herself. Deb also had a group of friends she used to meet up with. Over the years, the group of friends has dwindled. Due to various medical issues, she has lost some of her independence.
Clearly, loneliness is not just being alone –many people around you and even you yourself can still feel lonely. Loneliness is demonstrated in the quality of relationships and not the quantity of relationships.
Home for the Holidays?
For many, holidays are a time to get together with family to celebrate, create memories, and recreate favorite recipes. The holiday season is a time of joy, a time to share, a time to enjoy the company of loved ones. Undoubtedly, the holiday season is associated with happiness, buoyancy, and bright and beautiful things.
Unfortunately, some seniors experience the opposite. The holiday season is a time where the feeling of loneliness grows for various reasons. Some seniors who are independent live alone and have family members who reside in a different state. Other seniors who live in a senior living setting like an assisted living facility or skilled nursing facility, and obviously family does not reside with them in this setting.
At a time when families come together, being inaccessible to their family can make the holiday season lonelier. While we feast on that well-seasoned turkey and stuff ourselves with sumptuous pie on Thanksgiving, many seniors have lost the strength to make a variety of meals or host for the holidays.
How can we support seniors during the holiday season?
Here are a few ways to support seniors during what might otherwise be a lonely holiday season.
1. Volunteer
Many assisted living facilities or skilled nursing facilities benefit from volunteering your time during the holiday season. You can assist with activities – visit the facilities close to you and speak with their Activities Director. Nursing facilities always need volunteers.
2. Check on your neighbors who are seniors.
Kind people still exist in the world. I have met seniors with neighbors who have become like family. These neighbors conduct periodic checks on them, provide meals, and help them with resources that make life easier.
If you have a senior in your neighborhood, introduce yourself, get to know them, and be helpful to them. During the holiday season, invite them over especially if you notice their family is not around. You can also prepare meals and share them during the holiday season. They will be glad to know someone is thinking of them during this season and thankful for your support.
3. Visit with your loved ones who are seniors.
Many seniors understand their children have a life to live. I have had seniors reiterate they do not want to be a burden to their children, and they refrain from expressing their needs or expressing their feelings of loneliness.
Make the holiday season a time to visit with the seniors in your family. Spend quality time with your family and engage in meaningful conversations. Include them in the preparations for the holiday season however you can. They may not be able to expend the same energy you have, but they can share recipes and wisdom as you prepare for that Thanksgiving meal.
At Parkway Place, the holiday season is a beautiful celebration for our seniors. The atmosphere is full of joy — from the decorations that deck the hallways to the planning that goes into creating a season for our residents to remember. A lot of planning goes into curating a holiday experience for our residents – the food, the entertainment and the ambience.
Families and loved ones are also invited to these holiday events and our seniors share a special time with family and staff. One hug, one smile, one laugh, and one conversation at a time, we inspire happiness in our residents and try our best to support them in every way. This way, they do not feel lonely.
Written by Dami Aderinola, LMSW, LLM, Director of Social Services at Parkway Place.
