As women in the church, we often bear the burdens and blessings of ministry. Whether you’re a pastor's wife, on staff at a church, a lay leader, a parachurch ministry leader, or all of the above, I wrote this for you. Listen closely.
It's ok to stop. You may be tempted to push through the exhaustion or tell yourself next week will be better. Instead, just stop and trust God. Rest, renew, and care for yourself.
We need to make space for ourselves to heal, connect with God, connect with others (outside of meeting their needs), and grow spiritually.
You never need my permission, but most of us won’t do it on our own. It feels selfish to put effort into our needs when the needs surrounding us are overwhelmingly evident. If we don't handle them, who else will?
What starts as enthusiasm for the Lord’s work can become a millstone around our necks if we don’t live God’s way. We want our priorities to reflect the wisdom we find in Scripture to look something like this:
“Maintain God-ordained priorities because, if neglected, the urgent will supersede the important, and it will destroy your ministry.”
God (Ex. 20:3, Matt. 22:37)
Self (Ephesians 5:29)
Family (Prov. 31:15)
Church Family (Gal. 6:2)
Ministry (Eph. 4:11-13)
Activities and the rest of life
My seminary president, Danny Akin, warned us. He said to take great care to maintain God-ordained priorities because, if neglected, the urgent will supersede the important, and it will destroy your ministry. I took the warning to heart. But, honestly, how hard could it be?
As it turns out, it is tough. A couple of kids and ministry positions later, my priorities more practically resembled this:
Family, Church, ministry, work, homework, housework, adolescent shuttle service, carpool line, home management, grocery shopping, meal making, diaper changing, directing the children's choir, leading a prayer ministry, extra-curricular activities, etc. (and God is thrown in here somewhere because they kind of all have to do with Him, right?)
Self (whenever I get around to it... which is never.)
How did I get here? I felt overwhelmed, constantly exhausted and guilty, like a constant failure, and unable to catch my breath long enough to do anything different. I let so many people down, including those who mattered most: my husband and children.
Community for Care
“I give you permission to stop, seek rest in God, and begin to rest in your weaknesses so He may be your strength.”
As women, we need to make space for ourselves to heal, connect with God, connect with others (outside of meeting their needs), and spiritually grow. We need to offer ourselves the same genuine care we would give. Many incredible women I know would never demand of others what they expect of themselves. Nor would God expect these things of them, either.
Too often, we don’t care for our bodies, minds, and souls until we find ourselves in crisis.
UBA recognizes the importance of this care and connection, which is why we’re gathering together to help you find your people. Whether you’re on church staff, a pastor’s wife, or a lay leader, our women’s kickoff event, “Find Your People,” will offer a space to connect with others who understand the journey.
Join us on Saturday, November 16, for a free lunch, a panel discussion featuring women from diverse ministry roles, and a chance to share your own needs and experiences. Together, we’ll build the support and encouragement we all need to thrive. Register today to reserve your seat!
Beautiful sisters, recognize your limits for what they are: a reminder of God’s grace. Let grace replace guilt because you are set free in knowing that your worth is not tied to your performance, the amount you accomplish, or the number of roles you fill. It is irrevocably rooted in the unchanging love of Christ.
You are not going to be able to do it all. If you were, you wouldn't need Jesus. He did it all for you, and the best part is that He is still accomplishing great things for you because of your weaknesses. Your weaknesses keep you dependent on the Holy Spirit, and that dependence is why He shows up.
So, where do we go from here?
What are ways I can care for myself without feeling guilty?
1. Recognize true self-care.
I'm not talking about getting a facial/massage/manicure, taking a girl's getaway vacation, or shopping. While enjoyable, these are not actually self-care. Self-care is giving your body, mind, and soul what it actually needs: sleep, healthy foods, exercise, enjoyment, reading an encouraging book, listening to a podcast, time in the Word, and some margin in life to spend soul-touching time with Jesus.
2. Schedule time for yourself.
If you wait until you have time, you never will. You must intentionally carve out space for this, especially if this is different from your regular practice. Give yourself more time as you establish new practices.
3. Set boundaries.
Learn to avoid unnecessary responsibilities that will rob you of what matters most. When you don’t set clear bounaries, other people will fill decide and fill in your time as they see fit.
4. Identify priorities.
Going back to our priority list is critical. If you are empty, you cannot help fill others. Write down your priorities, consistently return to that list, and evaluate if you live by them.
5. Share your story with your community.
Find the people who will walk this journey with you. By sharing the burden of ministry with other women, you can not only hold yourself accountable but also encourage others to prioritize their well-being as well. UBA’s “Find Your People” event on Saturday, November 16th is the perfect opportunity to connect with women who understand your journey and will walk it with you. I hope you can join us for this and other upcoming events!
A lack of healthy self-care time is a struggle for many of us. You are not alone in this battle. The Holy Spirit is walking with you and desires to care for the needs of your soul. Other godly sisters-in-Christ are struggling to maintain the balance of care for the needs of self while also meeting the needs of others. Find others to walk alongside you and share the wisdom and joy of the Lord.
I give you permission to stop, seek rest in God, and begin to rest in your weaknesses so He may be your strength. May His grace be your strength and overcome your guilt so you may find the wholeness only He may give.
Melody Brackett is UBA's administrative assistant and communications specialist. She has served in vocational ministry as both a worship leader and women’s ministry leader for over a decade and holds a Masters of Church Music degree from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary.
She ministers alongside her husband, Zach, the pastor of LifeBrook Church in Houston, and their three kids.
By reclaiming the the biblical understanding of brothers and sisters in Christ, the church can be a picture of healthy community in a relationally confused world.