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Seniors Can Experience Deep Loneliness during the Holidays. Let's Support Them Well.
“How often do you feel lonely or isolated from those around you?”
As a social worker serving seniors at Parkway Place, the answers I have received to this question vary from never to rarely to always.
At a time when families come together, being inaccessible to their family can make the holiday season lonelier.
The stories that accompany these answers also reveal the stark difference in the experiences of older adults who have children or other family involved and those who have minimal to no support due to losing peers to death or losing family/children to the vicissitudes of life demanding their time.
Even for those who have some form of support and seem to be surrounded by peers and family, the loss of ability to do things they could previously do and having to now rely on others to assist with their activities of daily living could bring on the feeling of isolation.
An Isolating Time
A classic example is Deb* (not real name), who has her children involved in her life and grandchildren present at different times. Despite having company, Deb expresses it does feel lonely even with people around.
Deb was very active and used to doing things for herself. Deb also had a group of friends she used to meet up with. Over the years, the group of friends has dwindled. Due to various medical issues, she has lost some of her independence.
Clearly, loneliness is not just being alone –many people around you and even you yourself can still feel lonely. Loneliness is demonstrated in the quality of relationships and not the quantity of relationships.
Home for the Holidays?
For many, holidays are a time to get together with family to celebrate, create memories, and recreate favorite recipes. The holiday season is a time of joy, a time to share, a time to enjoy the company of loved ones. Undoubtedly, the holiday season is associated with happiness, buoyancy, and bright and beautiful things.
Unfortunately, some seniors experience the opposite. The holiday season is a time where the feeling of loneliness grows for various reasons. Some seniors who are independent live alone and have family members who reside in a different state. Other seniors who live in a senior living setting like an assisted living facility or skilled nursing facility, and obviously family does not reside with them in this setting.
At a time when families come together, being inaccessible to their family can make the holiday season lonelier. While we feast on that well-seasoned turkey and stuff ourselves with sumptuous pie on Thanksgiving, many seniors have lost the strength to make a variety of meals or host for the holidays.
How can we support seniors during the holiday season?
Here are a few ways to support seniors during what might otherwise be a lonely holiday season.
1. Volunteer
Many assisted living facilities or skilled nursing facilities benefit from volunteering your time during the holiday season. You can assist with activities – visit the facilities close to you and speak with their Activities Director. Nursing facilities always need volunteers.
2. Check on your neighbors who are seniors.
Kind people still exist in the world. I have met seniors with neighbors who have become like family. These neighbors conduct periodic checks on them, provide meals, and help them with resources that make life easier.
If you have a senior in your neighborhood, introduce yourself, get to know them, and be helpful to them. During the holiday season, invite them over especially if you notice their family is not around. You can also prepare meals and share them during the holiday season. They will be glad to know someone is thinking of them during this season and thankful for your support.
3. Visit with your loved ones who are seniors.
Many seniors understand their children have a life to live. I have had seniors reiterate they do not want to be a burden to their children, and they refrain from expressing their needs or expressing their feelings of loneliness.
Make the holiday season a time to visit with the seniors in your family. Spend quality time with your family and engage in meaningful conversations. Include them in the preparations for the holiday season however you can. They may not be able to expend the same energy you have, but they can share recipes and wisdom as you prepare for that Thanksgiving meal.
At Parkway Place, the holiday season is a beautiful celebration for our seniors. The atmosphere is full of joy — from the decorations that deck the hallways to the planning that goes into creating a season for our residents to remember. A lot of planning goes into curating a holiday experience for our residents – the food, the entertainment and the ambience.
Families and loved ones are also invited to these holiday events and our seniors share a special time with family and staff. One hug, one smile, one laugh, and one conversation at a time, we inspire happiness in our residents and try our best to support them in every way. This way, they do not feel lonely.
Written by Dami Aderinola, LMSW, LLM, Director of Social Services at Parkway Place.
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Grace Over Guilt: How Women in Ministry can Embrace Healthy Self-Care
As women in the church, we often bear the burdens and blessings of ministry. Whether you’re a pastor's wife, on staff at a church, a lay leader, a parachurch ministry leader, or all of the above, I wrote this for you. Listen closely.
It's ok to stop. You may be tempted to push through the exhaustion or tell yourself next week will be better. Instead, just stop and trust God. Rest, renew, and care for yourself.
We need to make space for ourselves to heal, connect with God, connect with others (outside of meeting their needs), and grow spiritually.
You never need my permission, but most of us won’t do it on our own. It feels selfish to put effort into our needs when the needs surrounding us are overwhelmingly evident. If we don't handle them, who else will?
What starts as enthusiasm for the Lord’s work can become a millstone around our necks if we don’t live God’s way. We want our priorities to reflect the wisdom we find in Scripture to look something like this:
“Maintain God-ordained priorities because, if neglected, the urgent will supersede the important, and it will destroy your ministry.”
God (Ex. 20:3, Matt. 22:37)
Self (Ephesians 5:29)
Family (Prov. 31:15)
Church Family (Gal. 6:2)
Ministry (Eph. 4:11-13)
Activities and the rest of life
My seminary president, Danny Akin, warned us. He said to take great care to maintain God-ordained priorities because, if neglected, the urgent will supersede the important, and it will destroy your ministry. I took the warning to heart. But, honestly, how hard could it be?
As it turns out, it is tough. A couple of kids and ministry positions later, my priorities more practically resembled this:
Family, Church, ministry, work, homework, housework, adolescent shuttle service, carpool line, home management, grocery shopping, meal making, diaper changing, directing the children's choir, leading a prayer ministry, extra-curricular activities, etc. (and God is thrown in here somewhere because they kind of all have to do with Him, right?)
Self (whenever I get around to it... which is never.)
How did I get here? I felt overwhelmed, constantly exhausted and guilty, like a constant failure, and unable to catch my breath long enough to do anything different. I let so many people down, including those who mattered most: my husband and children.
Community for Care
“I give you permission to stop, seek rest in God, and begin to rest in your weaknesses so He may be your strength.”
As women, we need to make space for ourselves to heal, connect with God, connect with others (outside of meeting their needs), and spiritually grow. We need to offer ourselves the same genuine care we would give. Many incredible women I know would never demand of others what they expect of themselves. Nor would God expect these things of them, either.
Too often, we don’t care for our bodies, minds, and souls until we find ourselves in crisis.
UBA recognizes the importance of this care and connection, which is why we’re gathering together to help you find your people. Whether you’re on church staff, a pastor’s wife, or a lay leader, our women’s kickoff event, “Find Your People,” will offer a space to connect with others who understand the journey.
Join us on Saturday, November 16, for a free lunch, a panel discussion featuring women from diverse ministry roles, and a chance to share your own needs and experiences. Together, we’ll build the support and encouragement we all need to thrive. Register today to reserve your seat!
Beautiful sisters, recognize your limits for what they are: a reminder of God’s grace. Let grace replace guilt because you are set free in knowing that your worth is not tied to your performance, the amount you accomplish, or the number of roles you fill. It is irrevocably rooted in the unchanging love of Christ.
You are not going to be able to do it all. If you were, you wouldn't need Jesus. He did it all for you, and the best part is that He is still accomplishing great things for you because of your weaknesses. Your weaknesses keep you dependent on the Holy Spirit, and that dependence is why He shows up.
So, where do we go from here?
What are ways I can care for myself without feeling guilty?
1. Recognize true self-care.
I'm not talking about getting a facial/massage/manicure, taking a girl's getaway vacation, or shopping. While enjoyable, these are not actually self-care. Self-care is giving your body, mind, and soul what it actually needs: sleep, healthy foods, exercise, enjoyment, reading an encouraging book, listening to a podcast, time in the Word, and some margin in life to spend soul-touching time with Jesus.
2. Schedule time for yourself.
If you wait until you have time, you never will. You must intentionally carve out space for this, especially if this is different from your regular practice. Give yourself more time as you establish new practices.
3. Set boundaries.
Learn to avoid unnecessary responsibilities that will rob you of what matters most. When you don’t set clear bounaries, other people will fill decide and fill in your time as they see fit.
4. Identify priorities.
Going back to our priority list is critical. If you are empty, you cannot help fill others. Write down your priorities, consistently return to that list, and evaluate if you live by them.
5. Share your story with your community.
Find the people who will walk this journey with you. By sharing the burden of ministry with other women, you can not only hold yourself accountable but also encourage others to prioritize their well-being as well. UBA’s “Find Your People” event on Saturday, November 16th is the perfect opportunity to connect with women who understand your journey and will walk it with you. I hope you can join us for this and other upcoming events!
A lack of healthy self-care time is a struggle for many of us. You are not alone in this battle. The Holy Spirit is walking with you and desires to care for the needs of your soul. Other godly sisters-in-Christ are struggling to maintain the balance of care for the needs of self while also meeting the needs of others. Find others to walk alongside you and share the wisdom and joy of the Lord.
I give you permission to stop, seek rest in God, and begin to rest in your weaknesses so He may be your strength. May His grace be your strength and overcome your guilt so you may find the wholeness only He may give.
Melody Brackett is UBA's administrative assistant and communications specialist. She has served in vocational ministry as both a worship leader and women’s ministry leader for over a decade and holds a Masters of Church Music degree from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary.
She ministers alongside her husband, Zach, the pastor of LifeBrook Church in Houston, and their three kids.
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