I've never been accused of being overly-emotional—especially not in my teens and early 20s. Guarded and aloof, maybe, but not emotional. So you can imagine my friend's surprise when the final scenes of the movie Still Alice sent me into deep, heaving sobs on her couch.
Like the well-adjusted Millennials we were, we laughed it off, and she texted our friends, "I think I broke Marie." But this incident had touched a nerve. It was the beginning of a months-long unraveling of the defense mechanisms I had set in place to avoid my fears and anxieties. When I could no longer ignore or explain my emotions away, I was left to feel them.
And it felt like too much.
Maybe you can relate? We live in some overwhelming times right now.
A Sign of the Times
I started outlining this piece about anxiety long before most of us had ever heard the term “coronavirus." Now, it seems to be an all-consuming topic of our news, conversations, and concerns. I’m not going to try to address the specific "what ifs" for the months ahead. Josh already did a great job talking about strategy here. Instead, I want to touch on how we can respond when these worst-case scenarios threaten to overwhelm us personally. I want to tell a story of how I have had to process my own anxieties in the light of the gospel.
So what was it about some ordinary movie that sent me over the emotional edge? It reminded me of watching my dear aunt slowly deteriorate due to ALS. It reminded me of suddenly losing my cousin and closest childhood friend. It reminded me of the far too many tragic losses that my closest circle of friends and I had to face in a relatively short time on earth.
It reminded me of the voice of my fears, whispering, "What if everyone you love leaves you?"
It's heavy, I know. But what does the voice of your fear say to you?
Strategies vs Burdens
We can't run from our fears, but we can't dwell in them either. In his book Running Scared, Ed Welch writes that optimism is what separates the visionary from the worrier. It is beneficial to think through worrisome scenarios as long as we don't become paralyzed along the way. Welch explains:
"You have purposes in your anxieties. One message is obvious: “If I imagine the worse, I will be more prepared for it.” Worry is looking for control...
There is an entire worldview implicit in some worry. It cries out about an ultimate aloneness. There is no one who can really help. No one can rescue. No one is really looking out for you… Who wouldn't be worried given such a view of reality?" (p. 53)
Like any other worldview, we must be willing to reframe the error of our worries with the reality of the gospel. If you're feeling a little anxious thinking about the days ahead, join me as we lift our eyes from our situation and towards some solid reasons to be optimistic.
What Does Fear Drive Us To?
Left to my own devices, my fears usually drive me to my logic. If I can only understand what is happening, I can feel like I have some control. So, some of my "logical" conclusions for my dilemma with loss included:
Maybe I'm being punished.
Maybe I'm cursed.
Maybe I should warn all the people I love to stay away from me.
Crazy, right? This is what unchecked anxiety will do to us. Fear that drives us away from God will ultimately make us crazy.
If you’re suffering, know that you’re not alone—neither in your fears today nor in the history of those who follow the Lord. The Bible is no stranger to the weight of fear, loss, and uncertainty. It offers a voice to those emotions and certain hope to those who are hurting.
Lamentations is a whole book about just that. And it's where I have found a lot of unexpected hope. In the middle of a long account of personal and national woes, there's a strange and beautiful pivot in chapter 3:
“Fear that drives us away from God will ultimately make us crazy. ”
"Remember my affliction and my homelessness,
The wormwood and the poison.
I continually remember them,
and I have become depressed.
Yet this I call to mind
And therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord's faithful love
We do not perish,
For his mercies never end.
They are new every morning;
Great is your faithfulness!
I say, "The Lord is my portion
Therefore I will put my hope in him."
(Lamentations 3:19-24, CSB)
Psalms of lament may also be especially helpful to study. Old Testament scholars have noted that lament psalms usually include a problem, plea, praise, and promise. As we dive into these texts, this pattern helps us in processing our own situation as well as training our thoughts and actions in the right direction.
For example, in one particularly dark and desperate psalm, we find the refrain, "Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation." (Ps 42:5,11, ESV). I've been meditating a lot on this verse recently, especially thanks to this excellent song.
Answer the Question
So, what did the process of letting go of my fears look like for me? In one of those rare, dramatic moments, I heard the Holy Spirit almost audibly telling me to answer the question I had been ruminating on: What if everyone I loved DID leave me? Though I had always stopped at the question, assuming I wouldn't be able to handle the weight of it, I felt the Spirit graciously walking me through the scenario.
And I remembered the faithful love of the Lord had always been there with me—through painful moves, in my forgettable hometown, through my sins, in obscure African villages, and through the many highs and lows of life in a beautiful but fallen world.
As I remembered God’s faithfulness throughout my life, I knew I could trust Him for whatever was to come. Almost instantaneously, my “what if” became and “even if...” And it was healing.
This kind of quick turnaround isn't necessarily the norm for those struggling through an extended period of anxiety and depression. My husband, who often teaches on depression, makes a distinction between grief (which has an identifiable cause such as pandemic quarantine, death, or dramatic life changes) and depression (a persistent sadness without a clear cause). If you're experiencing more of the latter, the process of healing will likely take a bit longer for you. But God still works.
Here are a few specific tips to help:
Meditate on how Christ has suffered for us and understands our human condition. Connect your suffering to Christ's and find victory in Him. (Isaiah 53; Hebrews 2:14-18; 4:14-16).
Care for your own physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Get help establishing habits to maintain your mind, body, and soul.
Turn feelings of guilt, fear, and hopelessness into prayers—even if they're wordless “groanings” (Romans 8:26).
Use the tools you have available to reach out to trusted friends or talk to a counselor. Contact Jeremy McQuown at BetterDays—a non-profit specifically geared towards helping ministry leaders maintain and regain mental health. Consider counseling at a church counseling center like the one at Houston's First. When in doubt, contact any of us at UBA, and we can connect you with a list of trusted counselors on your side of the greater Houston area.
So, what are you most afraid of?
Whatever scenarios you and your church may be facing, I encourage you not to run or to get stuck in the “what if.” Let’s not forget, especially in this Easter season, that in Christ we have strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow. Let's rest in that truth and carry that certain hope to those around us.
Marie Burrus is a UBA Church Consultant and Communications Specialist. Her primary responsibilities are consulting on mission engagement and church communications. She also manages, edits, and contributes content for UBA's blog, website, and social media outlets.
